


Always with you

by Lis_lboy



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Don't copy to another site, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:01:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27296071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lis_lboy/pseuds/Lis_lboy
Summary: With the storm nothing but a memory of a time that never happened all that's left is the sorrow of it's victims. A pain that is misunderstood, misplaced; it's owner's own mind crumbles by an unresponsive love.
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Caulfield/Chloe Price
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Crying for you

All right he’s in, don’t wuss out of this Chloe you got this. He’s nothing more than a scared little bitch who’ll probably piss his pants the moment he sees me. Pfft yeah I can imagine it already, he’ll probably be so terrified that he’ll give me the three grand and more just to shut me up.

Fuck yeah! This is my chance, our chance. With the cash that I get I’ll finally get out of town for good and go get Rachel, wherever she is. I know she must be somewhere. I don’t care if she’s in LA, New York or any other place, I’ll find her.

Okay here I go, blackmailing face and bad motherfucking voice lock and loaded.

I take one last breathe before moving ahead my and take a glance around for any nearby security.

With no guards in sight I rapidly walk to the main building, push the door and just as quickly pass the other students minding their business and I enter the girls bathroom expecting it be empty but surprisingly, it isn’t.

Huh, this dumbass has more balls than I thought, or not. Tough-shit over here seems pretty messed up already, this is going to be so easy.

**“** So what do you want?”

**“** I hope you checked the perimeter, as my step-ass would say. Now, let's talk bidness—”

**“** I got nothing for you.”

**“** Wrong. You got hella cash.”

**“** That's my family, not me.”

**“** Oh, boohoo, poor little rich kid. I know you been pumpin' drugs 'n' shit to kids around here... I bet your respectable family would help me out if I went to them. Man, I can see the headlines now—”

**“** Leave them out of this, bitch.”

“I can tell everybody Nathan Prescott is a punk ass who begs like a little girl and talks to himself—”

**“** You don't know who the fuck I am or who you're messing around with!”

Wait! No what in the fuck! He’s not supposed to have anything on him. He-he wasn’t supposed to be packing anything other than cash and drugs.

**“** Where'd you get that? What are you doing? Come on, put that thing down!”

**“** Don't EVER tell me what to do. I'm so SICK of people trying to control me!”

NO no no please I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. Shit shit, this can’t be it.

**“** You are going to get in hella more trouble for this than drugs—”

“Nobody would ever even miss your "punk ass" would they?”

I need to get away. Fuck what can I do!? Fuck! For once I would welcome a goddamn bathroom inspection so where the fuck is it. Wait don’t panic, don’t panic. I can still get out of here, yeah I’ll just quickly push him out of my way and run outside. I know he won’t shoot me, this is all an act. He wouldn’t dare shoot me here.

**“** Get that gun away from me, psycho!”

Bang!

**“** NO!!”

Thump.

…

…

Oh. He actually shot me.

Everything’s gone quiet, it’s dark, blurry and cold. It’s so cold that I can literally feel it freeze my insides.

Everything is disappearing, the bathroom’s walls, the floor and the light are somehow blurring and almost blanking out of existence. There’s something else, someone stepping into my now limited view. They’re crying I think, holding me in their arms but why can’t I feel anything. It’s cold, numb; everything’s has lost meaning. Everything is going away, but not her. She’s crying and is looking directly at me. Her face is in front of mine, I almost can’t make anything, I see a shape, it’s small and somehow appealing. Oh, it’s a girl. A girl is holding me, but why? And why does she look sad.

I can’t see her anymore, is she gone. Why did she leave me. Don’t leave me. Come back. Please come back. It’s dark now, everything is truly gone, the only thing I can still feel is this harsh coldness that’s now embracing me, cradling me somewhere I don’t want to go.

Is this death? Is this how dying feels? I’m scared. I’m cold. Somebody, anybody please don’t leave me. Don’t let me die, not alone. Rachel, mom, dad, anyone…please. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to die.

I want to scream but I can’t, I…don’t feel anything anymore. Every feeling in my limbs is gone, strength now is nonexistent, touch, air, even the coldness from before is gone too. Am I dead already? Is this what it’ll be? I can’t see anything, I can’t hear anything, the only remaining sensation I can still make out is a faint sensation emitting from my petrified face.

He was right, no one is going to miss me. I’m alone in this world. Everyone has left me, everyone hates me. Rachel abandoned me, dad left me and mom will probably be better off without me. I’m alone, I’ve always been alone and I will die alone.

Wait, what is this? I can…feel something, someone touching me, it’s almost nothing but there’s a feeling coming to me. It’s warm, it’s soft, tender and gentle. I feel a path being traced, a distant touch marking, curving with a throbbing heat emitting from it.

I hear something, random mumbles, a scratching and painful sound that echoes in the void where I am being swept away. The unintelligible sounds now resemble words, a voice saying something that is barely taken by my ears.

“-ove you Chl- ice.”

No. What was that? I-I couldn’t make them out.

Please let me hear them again. I don’t want this silence. Please repeat them whoever or whatever you are, don’t leave me here by myself. I can’t stand it.

The warmth from before is gone too. I’m floating somewhere but falling at the same time. Cold wraps around everything and nothing, my thoughts are now distant, empty and without meaning.

…

…

It’s cold, so, so cold. I don’t want die…I don’t want to die.

“I’m s-ry fo-me -oe”

\----------------------------

“ **No!** ”

I jolt up from where I am and feel a chilling sensation all over me. My skin is wet, cold and my chest is rising and falling like crazy with a clenching pain entrapping all of my senses. A sharp sting roots itself on the inside of my head, it’s buried itself just on the right spot where it can hurt the most.

I move my hands up and hold my head, slowly caressing its pulsing skin to dissipate the migraine that’s expanding over its entirety, but it doesn’t do much. Tired, sore and exhausted is how I feel just seconds after what it’s supposed to be a time of rest.

Sigh.

“Nothing like a massive headache to wake the fuck up.”

I exhale and forcibly lift my head from the grip of my hands at which the pain seems to worsen, I look around and as expected, I see nothing but the broken mess that I’ve done, the outcome of my blind rage and fury at the world for the crap that it doesn’t stop giving me.

Besides the feeling of loneliness that doesn’t leave me there’s a sense of misery that spreads throughout my mind, it fills me with dread and a desire to go back to sleep, that is if a particular nightmare didn’t haunt me at every try.

Sigh.

The room too, is devoid of pretty much everything, makes the emptiness of it more pronounced. It almost feels as if there wasn’t anyone living in it but the worst of it is how fucking quiet it is, how every gasp I make, how every step I take rings in every corner and reaches the inside of my skull, but none of that compares to the grueling throbbing echo of my sobs that wraps both my mind and body in these past nights; because of it all the only thing I have to focus my thoughts on is the sound of my ragged breathing, the forceful inhaling of air as I try to calm down from the pain, the nightmare, memory or whatever that shit is supposed to be.

All I know is that my entire body is covered sweat, bullets of it moving down my neck, arms and legs that you would think I just took a shower. I’m only sitting, thinking and my hearts is beating so heavily that it hurts to be alive, I can feel it hitting my skin and burning it’s mark on the inside of my chest.

In an effort to stop and focus on anything I exhale a deep gush of air and lay down on the soft bed that catches me without pain for once and stick my hands over my heart, pressing them against my raw skin it in an effort to calm it, but it doesn’t.

I stare at the ceiling and breathe, I keep trying to forget what I dreamt but I can’t, instead everything comes and hits me again just as it has been doing every night since. Those feelings of dread, loneliness and that insufferable cold that injects itself to my nerves and bones rattling everything from my mind to the way I feel.

Thump!

I punch the bed with all my strength in an effort to distract myself from reality that’s trying to piss me off, to bury me in more cruel and unforgivable misery of the world, in a memory that has somehow stayed with me when it shouldn’t had, that memory that makes it all too fucking real but now it’s all but a lie.

The stupid thing that I keep seeing over and over every time I go to sleep. That-that FUCKING memory of the bathroom! Why do I keep seeing it. Wasn’t living through once it enough!? Now I gotta re-live it every night! Day!

“Fuck all of it! As if I didn’t feel shitty all on my own.”

I lift my hand and clean the sweat from my forehead and drenching it in a hot sweat that’s now showered my bed. I keep breathing as I’ve been doing since I woke up, unevenly and heavily as I try to forget that nightmare, that dreadful, panic inducing moment that doesn’t stop repeating over and over and over again.

“Fucking hell. I get it. I fucking get it! I’m not a dumbass so stop showing it to me!”

I move my hands towards my face and pressure my eyes, hide everything in sight and slowly exhale with tension all but gone, the intensity of it only growing worse.

Sigh, aren’t we supposed to forget dreams as soon as we wake up? Then why aren’t I forgetting this one, is this some sort of punishment I’m inflicting on myself? Maybe it’s my subconscious telling me that Max was wrong, that she should’ve let me have a say at the end. It was my choice, my decision. I wanted to at least not be a selfish piece of shit for ONCE in my life.

Fucking great! I’m already tearing up without meaning to, at least my chest doesn’t hurt anymore. No it doesn’t but now there’s an emptiness in it, a void that manages to make the lack of pain seemed better.

“Argh!!”

Why did she do that! She should’ve listened to me, heard me and do as I said.

…

Sniff.

Well too fucking late for that don’t you think? Too late for everything now that-

“Chloe are you okay?”

That voice.

I stop whatever it is that I was thinking before and stop everything to focus, to quickly hide the pain and anguish that’s planted on my mind, body and face.

Knowing who it is already I clean the tears running down my eyes to hide sorrow from her. Its Max, and she has a terrified expression on her that hurts me the most than anything else ever could.

As much as I dread seeing her with anything other than a smile on her lips, it also fills me with so much joy that I want to burst and cry every time I see her.

“Hey Max, glad to see you back.”

“Chloe what happened? I heard you scream and I came as soon as I could.”

She comes near me, crouches and gets on the bed with me. She touches my forehead, my arms and all of me without caring that I’m sweating like a pig. She’s dirtying all of herself with my disgusting fluids and she doesn’t care. She stays in place and presses her forehead against mine, moves the hair out of my eyes and cleans the rest of it as well. Her face is showing concern, worry and what I think is hope, maybe love.

“I’m fine Max, I swear.”

I say while smiling and doing my best to hide everything burning within me. But she doesn’t buy it, her brows furrow and her eyes tighten at the lie I told her.

“No you’re not, look at you.”

Sigh, I look down and push through the pain and do my best to not listen the voice telling me to cry, to let everything out and to fall on her shoulders could hold anything I throw at them, but I don’t. I couldn’t do that to her, not anymore when I’m finally see her again.

I swallow and continue this act to not worry her.

“Yeah I know Max, I look hideous I know but see, now you’re here so just…just stay here. Stay here and I’ll get better, just stay with me and everything will be okay.”

I smile again, smile through the mortifying sensation around my chest that keeps tightening the air in my lungs. Her body goes tense, she lets go of me and pulls back. Her eyes go wide for a moment and stares at me with something I can’t quite put my finger on.

“Chloe you know I love you, right?”

Gulp.

“Ye-yeah, I know Max.”

“Do you love me?”

“Of course I do! Do you even need to ask.”

She presses her head against my chest, embraces my whole being even though I can feel my clothes sticking because of the sweat, but she does so anyways.

“I just wanted to hear you say it.”

“You damn hippie.”

“Your hippie, and don’t you forget that.”

Her body stays pressed against mine, breathes the same air and seemingly takes all of the pain that was once in my mind and body. Together like this makes me feel great, happy and all that was hurting me before now seems like a distant dream. I hug her too, feel her sweet, loving warmth whose scent I inhale as if it were the medicine for all sicknesses.

“Chloe?”

Her voice vibrates my skin, echoing throughout my ears as music more beautiful than anything in existence.

“Yes you adorable Max.”

“How are you?”

“I’m great.”

…

“No I mean, how are you? Like really, are you okay?”

Sigh.

“I…don’t want to talk about any of that Max, can’t we just, stay like this.”

She moves her head away from my chest, I look at her and see her cheek now wet from sweat, her hair damped and uneven. She leans closer to my face and plants a slow, heavy and full of emotion kiss on my cheek, then places her own against my shoulder.

“Max?”

“Yeah Chloe.”

“I’m not okay.”

“I know.”

“It hurts.”

“I know.”

“Why did this happen?”

“You know why Chloe, it’s for the best.”

“Best for who!?”

…

She doesn’t say anything, stays still where she has been for the last minute but it’s different now. I can feel her chest being just as mine, it falls and rises with more pressure than normal, her breathing taking more air too and her embrace hurting as she tightens her grip on me.

“I’m so sorry Chloe.”

That’s it. Hearing her voice say that with so much sadness breaks me. That’s the last thing I want to hear from her.

That makes the vault of water release from my eyes so fast that I can’t even keep my eyes open, a pinch that bursts all the emotions I’ve tried to put off the moment I saw her and it all comes out even stronger as she comforts me.

Why is she saying sorry to me. Why is she the one feeling like this, she doesn’t have that right. She lost it when she made that choice…she can’t, it’s not fair!

“Why Max! Why didn’t you let me die that day!? It was my choice, what I WANTED!”

My voice goes away and stops me from talking anymore, instead broken gasps are heard in between the pitiful moans and cries. As this goes on I grip onto her harder than I mean to. I pull her clothes, her skin and everything I can hold on to.

I want to see her angry, mad, furious or anything. I want her to tell me that I wasn’t worth it, that I don’t deserve this, that she regrets her choice…that it was a mistake. I want her to tell me that, to hear it from her lips.

“Because I love you Chloe, I always have. I always will.”

“Then why!”

She moves away from me, leaves the bed and stands in the middle of the room, putting to show her now her cold, white skin. A dark patch begins to form in her breast, it expands, it drips and it fills the crevices on the floor, but what bothers me the most is not any of that, but her face that’s not changing.

Why!! Why is she still smiling! Why isn’t she screaming at me and cursing my existence!

Fuck!! ME!! I-WHY!

“It’s okay Chloe, let it all out. I deserve it, all of your rage, your pain, your fury. It’s okay.”

No this is wrong. It’s wrong I shouldn’t be doing this, she shouldn’t be saying this.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You’re wrong, you deserve better, so much better than this. You-you-”

I don’t know when she came over to me but she presses her hand against my mouth, her cold, stiff hand whose fingers are frozen and looks at me with a smile, a smile that lacks the warmth and beautiful sensation that is so characteristic of her that my whole being stops itself, air stops coming in, sound does too, leaving me and her alone in a place that doesn’t give me anything but a wish to end this.

“Chloe. You are beautiful, you are good, you are selfless and because of that and many more things I love you. And because of that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you feel like this but I would do it all over again if it means you’re alive and breathing.”

Listening to her say all of that only makes everything hurt more, I can’t do it. After everything her words are what hurt me the most of all, her sight, her touch, her memory.

I pull my hands away from her and fall on the ground, her bloodied pants in front of me and making the tears of my eyes burn as they fall. I fall to the ground and grip onto her clothes with all the strength left in my weak self. She doesn’t say anything but keeps still as she caresses my hair with her hand slowly circling my burning skull.

She’s saying something but I’m not listening, I can’t listen anymore of her words. She can’t say those things to me anymore, I don’t want to hear them.

As I lose myself in my own despair I bury myself deeper on her. I cry, sob and break every piece of resistance I had left and continue to do so until the pain becomes too much and everything starts to lose focus, strength leaves me and even my body seems to fail me. The only thing I know is that Max is still here, I can still feel her warmth soothing my pain. She’s still the one taking care of me.

…

…

“Max.”

“Yes Chloe.”

“Aren’t you my partner in crime?”

…

“Only if you’re my partner in time.”

…

“Will you leave me again?”

“I’ll never leave you Chloe, not even death will take me away from you.”

“Don’t say that, please don’t.”

“I’m here Chloe, I’m with you forever and ever.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!  
> First of all thanks for reading, just by that you rock!.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this story and it's somber tone/story. What did you think of it?  
> Do the characters seem good to you? Interesting, intriguing or maybe you found it to be a drag to read?
> 
> If you did enjoy it well there's a bit more to come, 2-3 more chapters will be released in the future depending on the length of the last chapter.
> 
> If you've my other works you know releases can be quite long. But enjoyable nonetheless.  
> Whatever your thoughts on it thanks for reading and have a great day/night.  
> Your awesome!


	2. Waiting

“Nathan Prescott is currently under the supervision of Arcadia Bay mental institution where he’s currently being treated for the severe trauma that he experienced at the event involving him and two female students in the grounds of Blackwell Academy. Police reports appear to be unconcluded regarding the situation, testimonies taken at the scene of the crime point at the assailant Nathan Prescott to be the party responsible for the tragedy that took place, although sources close to the Arcadia Bay police department have said that those in charge of the investigations have stated otherwise. According to respected officer Barry, “the young man in question is nothing short of an exemplary student who represents the best of Arcadia Bay, the actions he took may had been severe but in sensing a dangerous situation he acted appropriately as any exemplary young man would had done so in his place”. Another source who is close to the Prescott organization reports that it is expected of the young Prescott to be found free and absolved of all guilt and for all allegations to be denied in full. They patiently await for the lawful decision by the judge of the court, a feeling that we have been told is shared by most of Arcadia Bay population. The spokesperson for the family says the following, “The cause of the tragedy that took place was but a misunderstanding where the Prescott family are the only victims in scene and the only whose reputation has been tainted at the hands of questionable individuals whose motivation behind such ordeal is still to be disclo-”

THUD!

SMASH!

CRACK!

My arms hurt, my biceps have a burn, even the ligaments ache and my chest rapidly falls and rises with my now jagged breathing pulsing my back to the ground.

I look at the mess I just did and feel the need to continue, to smash their voices into oblivion, their idiotic crap that not surprisingly makes mental nutcase of Nathan into a victim!

The TV’s plastic shell is now shattered, its screen splatter all over as well leaving in sight its components in full display. Alongside it there’s even more trash lying around, beer bottles broken in pieces, dirty clothes, holes smash into the walls and the window’s glass scattered everywhere; the computer, the mirror and everything else broken apart, all in vain since the anger never went away, it only made her reminder all the more painful.

Fucking TV was heavier than I thought, it took all the strength in my to lift it and it almost fell on top of me.

I thought it would make me feel better. I thought it would help but it didn’t, it didn’t do shit years ago when dad died and it doesn’t help now. Much less now when everything they’re saying is a bunch of crap full of shit and lies!

I can’t fucking believe this! Really! He’s the victim!? Blameless!? Fucking motherfuckers sons of bitches throwing their money to hide the piece of shit he really is!

What kind of fucking nonsense are they trying to pull. Who’s going to buy that crap! Everybody knows he’s a fuck-up! There’s no-

“Argh!!”

I’m so fucking over this shit!

I’m pulling my hair with all my strength but it doesn’t pull off, instead I dig my nails to my skull and pressure it as much as I can in a hope that it numbs everything else. My hearts beats faster and stronger, it vibrates my whole body almost as a warning that I’m on my limit and is now signaling me to stop.

I put my arms down but I still feel the pain on my skull, the root of my hair burning from being pulled to its fullest and the ringing filling my head from the amount of pressure I just placed on myself.

I close my eyes and breathe, exhausted puffs of air escape me and each one giving me a sense of dizziness that wants to overtake my mind and put me down, the pressure of everything taking my strength and will to fight as the weight of my eyelids start to increase and send me signals to drop, but I won’t do it.

I can’t. I can’t rest, sleep or feel joy when I know she isn’t here anymore, she’s not and she never will be.

Besides, how the fuck can I rest when so much bullshit is being said her, her who in no fucking! Did anything wrong!

“This is bullshit!”

Just remembering the crap they were saying on TV makes all that tiredness go away and fill me with a fury so intense that I want to kill everyone in this goddammed town.

I clench my jaw in an effort to calm down, tighten my fists and close my eyes to stop this from growing any further. I open my eyes but it doesn’t work, it’s still there, everything is.

Not wanting to look at this room anymore I walk out, get down the stairs and leave the house. I stay standing for a couple of seconds, close my eyes again and open them hoping that it’ll wake me up from this nightmare, instead it shows me the cruel reality that life is, alongside it my truck that’s now a complete piece of junk.

It’s a wreck, it’s shit. Both bumpers are now missing, the headlights are broken and the windows on the side are all shattered. That’s what’s happens when you get drunk and get a baseball bat on your hands.

I take a deep breath, fill my chest with air and exhale so deeply that more comes out than what came in. I slowly take single steps towards the truck, grab it’s cold, bent handle and get in, waiting a minute before turning the motor on. I wait another couple seconds before moving, hoping to hear something, someone’s voice again, but I don’t.

Nothing is heard except the muffled sound of the sobs that want to escape out of my tightly closed lips and the faint sound of my tears dropping on the floor. I hold onto the steering wheel as if it were her, imagine her warmth and softness but instead I’m struck by the the coldness of it’s bare harsh metallic feel, still I stay like this not minding its sharp edges scratching my skin, its rough, solid and painful texture that hurts me in a way that reaches the enclosing of my lungs.

I close my eyes and scrape my teeth as hard as I can feeling the skin of my palms, skin and arms all break as I pressure and drag them against the wheel in an effort to ignore the pain of her memories as it comes over and drowns me in more sorrow for the time we spent together, the time that never happened.

“ **Argh!!!!!!!!!!!”**

A sorrowful sob ends my scream, a gasp without air and without any force left in it. Now weak cries fill the space around me, dread tightening in the seats and the air outside. I’m still holding onto the now bloodied steering wheel and continue to grip to it but let go as the deep, excruciating pain rinsing over my nerves becomes too much.

I let my head fall on it, dirtying my face red and my saliva spluttering down my crippling, trembling mouth as it washes over the drops of blood.

Why isn’t she coming? Why?

“Max. Max get in. Get in.”

My chest fills with air, my mind calls for her voice and my heart for the love she showed me. A love that reminds me of her laughter, her touch and her stupid quirks that I can’t seem to forget.

“ **GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HER MAX! NOW!!”**

My chest continues to rise and fall without order, the muscles within me ache for a brute stop, for a much-needed sleep but my mind is just as scrambled as it was before; the torment of knowing where she is, what she did and for what. So I could live alone without her.

It hurts. My eyes are in pain, they pinch my skin and weight far too much for me to handle, tears as thick as blood come out and leave a burning trail over me. My chest hurts as well, its cold and devoid of warmth, everything hurts and the more I feel this pain the more I’m reminded of her.

“Please. Come in.”

Silence, no sound is heard besides my breathing and the scratching of the cold, hard metal that’s still targeting my injured hands.

Sniff.

“Max. Max.”

…

Sigh.

I take a deep breath that fills my chest with air, hurting as I do and exhale all of it, taking with it a small portion of the pain that hasn’t left me. Tired and exhausted is how I feel now, just as I’ve been every day now.

Growl.

Pfft, fuck you stomach.

Fucking hell I don’t get this but…but being hungry actually reminds me of her, but in a good way.

I bet she would’ve probably laughed and teased me until I ate something. Huh.

“Max, is this you telling me to stop my whining?”

I look ahead of me, next to me and everywhere for a sign, but there’s nothing. There’s really nothing around except for houses and cars. A sense of disappointment comes over me, in turn making me wish I was asleep.

I know its dumb, and nothing is going to happen if I call her but I can’t help to wish for a sign that she’s still here. I don’t know maybe someone taking a selfie, a damm butterfly showing up flying on my face or anything really. I just want a sign to know that she’s still here, that she’s still watching over me.

Sadness comes over me again and sticks itself to my mind, the air feels colder and just the act of moving my limbs feels exhausting.

I pull back, press against the seat and close my eyes while moving my hands down my thighs. I shake my head and clean the tears off my face but as I do my fingers burns at touch. I quickly look at them and see the reason of it, after aggressively gripping to the wheel earlier I ended up peeling skin off them, anymore and I’d probably injured them really bad.

The hunger that made itself heard earlier still lingers in me, it forces a smile on my lips that I can’t seem to shake off.

“Well fuck it then, I better go get some food or else Max won’t let my hear the last of it.”

Sniff yeah, she won’t stop until I do.

I scratch an itch from my eye and straighten myself, carefully get a hold the wheel with ease now since my hands are practically injured and finally manage to pull out of the driveway without breaking down.

I look ahead and keep on driving, I do so with a faint smile at the thought that maybe she’s here with me, one way or another, if only by my own try to remain sane, to not be angry at the world for a few minutes before the reality takes me back and crushes what little happiness I have.

Sigh now that think about it I don’t really want to go, but there really isn’t another place where I could go and eat for free.

We haven’t really talked much, nor looked at each other or even been together. What’s the point, I know what she’s going to say and I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to talk to her, I don’t want to hear her, but the diner is one of the places that does take my mind off everything, a place that can still make me think of her and not cry. Makes me feel like I’m not alone.

…

…

Fuck me, I’m already starting to regret coming here.

I’m on the parking lot, been here for a couple minutes now since I can’t seem to get out of the truck. I can’t muster the strength to open the door and face her again after avoiding her this whole time.

I know I said this place does make me smile, but I forgot that after the smiling it all starts coming down, makes me miss her even more, makes me feel like shit again.

I want to leave, but now that I’m here my stomach’s growls are getting louder and being this close reminds me how good the food is.

Sigh fucking hell.

Dread comes back to my spine and every limb as well. I muster what little strength I still have and open the door, immediately feeling the blunt coldness of the air as it hits me. I get down, close the door and take a second to breathe and look at everything in front of me.

Everything still looks the same, everyone looks as if nothing had ever happened. Ungrateful assholes, they don’t even know that they should all by dead, would be if it weren’t for you.

“This is wrong. They weren’t worth it Max. You’re worth more than everyone in this shitty town combined.”

I start walking towards the diner and see it just as it always is, rather empty at this time of the day and with Joyce serving coffee.

Just as I push the door the annoying little bell rings up, Joyce turns and looks at me. Her mechanical smile quickly changes to a frown, her body tenses and I can see her stopping herself to come and hug me, instead she resumes serving coffee as if she hadn’t seen me, but it’s obvious she did, and it’s clear how much it hurts her as well.

She finishes serving coffee but closes her eyes and turns around, pacing towards the back with her palm covering her mouth. The people around saw it, everyone did and they now look at me with a curious expression as to what could’ve cause her sudden outburst, but just as fast as they turn back I glare at each and every one of them with an intent to kill.

Try me motherfuckers, I’m hella piss and would love to beat the shit out of someone this instant.

With no one coming I cough in disbelief and walk to the table where Max and I sat together after so long, thankfully its empty, it would’ve been quite a show the kick whoever was sitting there.

I stay still and look at where she would’ve sat if she were here, I imagine her face, her voice and her everything as she would tease me for being late, for my lack care and then smile and welcome me without any ill intent.

I can feel my legs tremble just at the thought comes to me and so I sit down where I had done so before, place my elbows on the table and hold my wobbling head as the pain of everything sucks the force out of me. Oxygen leaves me, small gusts of air rush through my nose and I pressure my chest to not make any sound but that makes it impossible to breath so I force the air through my nostrils and only then feel my lungs expand if only a little as deeply as I can, all the while restraining the need to let sobs fill the diner’s silent space.

“Chloe, baby are you all right?”

Oblivious to the room around me I open my eyes that were tightly closed with tears forming on them at the sound of a concerned voice, strangely I feel something, her presence and without waiting a second I turn and look for her, but she’s not there. I know she’s not but I can’t help to still wait for her to show up and appear just like she did that time.

The person who spoke wasn’t Max, but Joyce whose concerned expression tells me everything I need to know, her arm is halfway reaching for me and her hand already cupped to embrace me, but she doesn’t. She stops and restrains herself before doing so and slowly reverts every action her motherly instinct made her do.

I clean the few drops of water leaving a trail in my cheeks and force my expression to not show any emotion in it, nor pain or worry.

“Yeah. I’m good.”

She doesn’t move, stays there now with her face deepening, her eyes becoming glossier and her body now tensing at the sight of me. I wait for her to say something, to break the tension there’s around us but she doesn’t, her mind seems to be thinking of a million things in just seconds. Her mouth opens slightly but closes down and instead her face shows a tremble that tells me she won’t be able to hold on.

Fuck I better say something.

“Can I have some breakfast? I don’t any cash on me and I’m so hungry that my stomach won’t shut up so I thought of coming here and eat something, anything just to stop this…this pain.”

I look up and see her still the same but now she’s gripping something on her hand and forces a smile, she closes and opens her eyes before looking at me again and coughs repeatedly to hide the tears I already saw.

“Always Chloe, tell me, what do you want to eat sweetie?”

Right, I hadn’t thought about that. I just came because I can literally feel my body eating itself but I don’t feel like eating anything. The thought of it usually pisses me off but now that I’m here I can’t think of anything.

Rather sitting here and watching the spot in front of me empty fills me with regret, fury and more crap that makes me wish she was still with me. Ha! Seem fitting then since this was her favorite place to eat, the one place where we felt like kids again. Right, I guess I should let her choose then, otherwise I don’t think I could eat anything without throwing up.

I look up at her and hope that she remembers, that she can give me this stupid, meaningless request of mine.

“I’ll have what she had.”

She doesn’t react, her head pulls back and takes a moment to adjust her eyes and thoughts. She makes that hurtful smile again with a hint of confusion in them.

“What who had sweetie?”

It’s probably dumb of me to expect her to remember or to understand what I said but I can’t stop this feeling to scream at her for not knowing. I didn’t want to mention her in any way, to her or anyone so I had hoped I didn’t had to.

I take a deep breath, flex my whole body and exhale all the air I just took in. I look away from her so she doesn’t feel my glare but I’m sure my voice that’s full of a deep hate will be enough to let her know.

“Max, Max mom. Don’t you remember? She came here and ordered something to eat. That! I want that!”

It takes all the strength in me to not cry, to not break down on this table where we laughed and played together with so much joy. I still remember it as if it had just happened yesterday, she even tried so hard to convince me of her powers and I made her do all that dumb shit.

I want that! I want to see her again! I want her!!

I hadn’t noticed but my hands are now making fists with so much stress that they’re hurting and bleeding again. I’m still not looking at Joyce who I can barely see standing there. She’s observing me as if I was a freak, a mess, a piece of shit and I don’t give a fuck anymore. She and everyone else can think whatever the hell they want about me. None of it matters, nothing does anymore.

I don’t look but I hear her steps full of emotion as she leaves me in my lonesome, her every movement loudly sounding as she fades into the kitchen.

Why did I come here, I should’ve just stole something and be fine with that. I’m so fucking stupid why did I have to come to the one place that reminds me of all our good times. I should get up and leave, this was a bad idea after all.

Sniff.

I look around and see that Joyce isn’t nearby or looking at me, so I get up and rapidly start making my way outside the diner but a flash hits me before pushing the door.

The fuck? Did someone just took a picture of me?

I look back and see two girls not older than ten years old sitting together, unaware of me while taking pictures of themselves. They’re giggling and fighting over dumb stuff like how the picture sucks because of the guy in the background, kinda reminds me of Max and I when we were little.

Pfft, honestly what the fuck is this!? Is this the sign I wanted earlier? The one I begged for? Well it fucking worked! It’s enough to make me smile silly, to send a warmth that wraps my chest and sooth some of pain that’s been on me all this time.

I don’t really think this means anything but fuck me if I say it doesn’t make me feel good. Shit I didn’t actually expect anything.

Still with a smile forming against my wishes I go back to the booth and the warmth I felt earlier it’s still there but something else comes along too, an odd feeling of pain that spreads within me but it doesn’t hurt. It’s almost healing-like, like it feels good and somehow makes me…want to cry out of joy? Even my face is tingling with a smile that no matter how much I bite my tongue or force it down, it won’t stop.

Giving up on resisting this stupid smile I lift my hands and pressure my face to accept the futility of it.

“I swear, only you can still make me smile.”

Sigh. You dumb hippie. Sniff you know this only makes me miss you more. Stop making me smile Max don’t you get it. You’re not here anymore, you’re not, so either stop this or come back.

I clean the tears off my eyes but as I do so I feel someone behind me, someone looking at me.

Without waiting for a second I immediately pull out of the seat and prepare to either strike or scream at whoever fucking dares look at me right now, but as I see who’s in front of me all that anger fades into the air.

It’s Kate Marsh, what the fuck does she want.

“Hi.”

She looks away, fidgets with her hands as she grabs and lets go of her clothes.

“What do you want.”

I don’t want to talk to her, I don’t want to talk to anybody. I know what everyone wants thinks about me, I know what she’s going to say and I don’t want to hear it. Everyone’s the same, everyone is at fault.

“Chloe right? I’m Kate, I’m a-sorry.”

She quickly cleans the tears off her face before they fall and forces a smile that seems like it’ll crumble at any second.

Wait a minute, now that I take a better look at her I see that she’s probably not doing so well. Her face looks pale, not as bad as me but sick enough to worry and the way she looks at me isn’t right either. It’s almost crippling, how her hair is let down and her eyes looking like they’ve been through a storm.

“I was a friend of Max.”

Was?

“So you’re not her friend anymore, what don’t like dead people.”

Her eyes widen and I can see how much that hurt her, she lifts her hand up to her mouth and shakes her head with so much anxiety.

“No no I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry I didn’t-”

“Yeah yeah what the fuck do you want. Why are you talking to me?”

I know I’m being an asshole but in all honestly I’m already holding myself from exploding at her face, so this is me being good.

She sheepishly looks up at me and then looks at the empty seat, where Max sat.

“C-could I seat there?”

Her asking that makes me angry enough that I can’t help but make a fist. I want to say no, I want to tell her to fuck off, but she was Max’s friend. A real friend who cared about her as much as I do.

“Do whatever the hell you want but do it quick.”

Still more than angry at the thought of her seating there I wave my hand in an effort to give her calm, but the body language I must be showing tells her otherwise. I lower my hands now turn fists and put them under the table, probably scared Kate more than necessary. So now I breathe and wait for her to talk.

She stays where she was, waits a second to gather her thoughts and slowly and nervously walks to where Max once sat and as if the booth were made out of glass she presses herself against it. Doesn’t look at me but instead stares at the scribbles on the table, closes her eyes and takes a deep breathe before opening them.

She straightens her sight towards me, her face although having a sense of misery and exhaustion has something else as well. A ray of warmth to it, a feeling that gives comfort to others but weirdly not to herself. She coughs and smiles through much obvious struggle.

“You know, Max was my friend too. She was one of the few people who actually made school bearable. She cared for me, I know she did. I could feel it in her words when we talked.”

Tears trail her cheeks and her lips tremble but remain with the smile she’s been determined to keep. At first I had thought it to be false, but at closer inspection it looks genuine, her eyes although are crying also have a light to them, but not her voice. There’s something cruel in it, a pain that I know all too well.

“She was always nice to me and even listened when I talked about my church, much to her distaste but she never showed it. She was nice like that, and on that day too, I don’t know what was it but that day-”

Her voice cracks, tears continue to barrage down and I can see her chest rising faster as well, the smile she’s been keen to keep, is gone too and the expression she now has is one that I’ve seen on myself; despair, hopelessness, a need of wanting to end it all. Waiting for the last push to finally break it.

“On that day she was so nice to me, so kind but in a different manner than the usual. That morning I was in a dark place, I felt alone and everyone was…harassing me over a video. But not her, she never did that, she wasn’t like that. And so that morning, right before it happened she spoke to me and reminded me that I wasn’t alone, she told me that I could always count on her and I believed her. I truly did with all my heart. That kindness that she showed me is something that I will cherish for every moment that I’m alive, if it wasn’t for her I don’t know if I’d still be breathing.”

She looks away from me, grabs a napkin from the table and cleans not just her eyes but her nose that’s now just a big mess as the rest of her. I don’t say anything, what could I say to that. She calms the rush of emotions that came over her and again, smiles through the pain with a tender feeling being sent through it.

“I didn’t get it, I don’t know if she knew or not but she gave me the courage I needed. She made me feel like the world wasn’t all bad, and that good people do exist, she was proof of that.”

Her eyes stay fixated on mine, looking for something in them but all I do is give her a stern look in return. She doesn’t move but shows the disappointment and broken spirit that she now has at the little effect her words have on me.

“She was my friend Chloe, and I’m sure she cared about me just as she did for you.”

I know this. I know she was good.

“Yeah. She is a good person. She cared about everyone more than you’ll ever know.”

I look at her and she nods, as if she knew what am I talking about.

“I know.”

The fuck does that mean? She’s just nodding out of politeness, out of pity or why the fuck is she nodding!

“No you don’t! No one does! That’s the point and no one will ever know! They will forget her! They will bury her memory and forger her existence!”

Slam!

I stand and slam my hands against the table, look directly at her and feel the heavy gusts of air pushing in through my nose as it enters and exits, showing her the anger growing in me. She looks confused, lost at what I said. Her eyes give out to fear as they look down but she turns again and searches for my eyes that are close to losing themselves to a blind fury.

“What does that mean?”

Kate you should just drop this before I do something I’ll regret.

I take a deep breath, close my eyes and wait a second before answering her with what I know is forming inside of me.

“Just leave.”

I whisper to her, quiet enough to not be heard by others but just fierce enough for her to get the message.

“I’m-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

Her face now in shock and horror as she hears my voice and sees the already strike coming to her but I stop myself from reaching any further and instead impact the table, sending an intense pain that hurts my already injured hand.

“FUCKING STOP WILL YA!”

She doesn’t say anything but only stays frozen as if my action were too much for her already fried nerves. The other people in the diner look at me, then at her and the judgement is so thick that it can be felt in the whole room. The voices accusing me, the whispers attacking my action, my appearance and making me the bad one.

“WHAT!! YOU UNGRATEFUL MOTHERFUCKERS HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ALL DEAD BUT YOU’RE NOT! SO FUCK OFF!”

Everyone stays still, muttering words to each other without looking away.

I close my eyes, look down and sitting where I was moments ago letting the pain of her absence drown me in misery, in an endless sea of loneliness, a void that will never be filled.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She wasn’t supposed to die.”

Fuck this. Fuck everything, Fuck everyone.

I stop listening to the noise around me, the chatter that keeps growing and targeting me, I know it. I block everything and focus on what’s inside of me, on the death of the only person who has made me want to live.

How can you be so cruel Max. You made me smile, laugh and cry like I haven’t done in years and then you just leave me alone as if that was the only choice. Why!? Why did you even came back in the first place!!

I wouldn’t had known what it was to be happy again. You wouldn’t have died and everything would been as it should!!

I hear something, feel a vibration and the presence of someone hovering above me. I open my eyes and see a plate in front of me, a dish. I look up and see Joyce standing by herself and Kate nowhere to be seen.

Probably ran away at the horrors of mine.

I clean the water dripping from my nose, sniff and swallow the saliva stopping me from speaking without moaning.

“What’s this!?”

I say trying to hide the clear sorrow in my voice and the bloody taste from the strain I’ve put on my throat.

Joyce looks like she wants to hug me, embrace me in her arms but is scared to do so, lost as if she didn’t know what to do and is doubting every choice she has.

“This is what she ordered. Belgian Waffles.”

I slowly look at it and inspect everything it has, all the ingredients that are visible. The clear big waffle, the raspberries and blueberries scattered on it that makes your mouth drool.

She ate this. She chose this.

A smile grows on my face and I can’t stop it, this makes me remember the moment I arrived and saw her devouring it.

I look to where she was seating but it’s empty, she’s not there. I slide the dish to where it’s supposed to be and stay silent while Joyce says nothing but watches the strange act.

“Come on Max.”

I whisper to myself, and nothing happens, silence fills the area.

A blow comes to my chest and continues to my throat, making me almost regurgitate whatever’s left on me. My whole body, neck and face suddenly jerk to my front but I stop myself from throwing up , along with it sobs and moans that want to release at the reminder of her.

I can’t. I can’t do this anymore, this wasn’t how we were supposed to end up. We said we would last, that we would stay together.

Without looking at Joyce or anyone else I stand up and rush off the diner, still strongly pressing the palm of my hand against my mouth to stop the liquid spilling through my fingers from falling on the ground. I push the door open and continue rushing out. I barely remaining standing I make it to the truck and just as I can’t hold it for any longer I press my hands against it and wait for it to all come out.

Not holding myself anymore I throw up what came to my earlier and much to my surprise only a small amount of liquid come out, less than I thought it would be but it’s red, thick and horrified to look at. I don’t know why but what little blood there was on me is now gone as in this moment it all falls on the ground and splatters everywhere.

“ARGH!!”

I cry for her, for the pain, for the memories and the absence of her in my life.

“ARGH!!!!”

THUMP!

THUMP!

THUMP!

I punch the truck with all my might, all my anger and all the rage that keeps coming out but it doesn’t help. It only makes everything hurt, burn and poisons my thoughts with a deeper desire to see her again.

“ARGH!!”

“Chloe!”

I hear a voice, it’s Joyce who probably saw if not hear me. I don’t turn around, I don’t look at her and continue with my eyes clench and tighten on the dark void of what I now am.

I feel her touch, she’s pulling me towards her but I’m not budging. I’m not letting go of the truck and I don’t respond to her desperate cries that feel like daggers forcing into my chest.

“Baby I know it’s hard, I know it’s not fair but you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

Why does everyone keep talking about her! I-fuck! I don’t want to hear it! Nobody knows shit!

“I feel the pain sweetie, I know what you’re going through so talk to me. Let’s talk this-”

“No! No! You shut your fucking mouth! You know nothing! Nothing!!”

I stare at her, use all of the strength in me to say this to her and with every one of my muscle still working I point at her and make sure to root this in her, in everyone who thinks that they know what she did.

“No one knows shit about her, about what she did. What she gave up.”

The words I said don’t make sense to her, I can see it. But it still hurts her, her expression doesn’t show guilt, pain or a sense of fear, but the way she looks right now is worse than that. She’s destroyed, her eyes have a feel to them that makes me think I just broke something in her, her chest doesn’t move, her body stays frozen as if it were impacted by a strong blow and is trying to heal, to gravitate toward something before falling off.

With her still in shock and her mind broken at what I just said I take the chance and get in the truck, turn the motor on and leave before I become an unfixable mess before her eyes. I rush off the parking lot and drive, drive away and far from where she is with no goal in mind.

Thump!

“Why did I say that to her. I didn’t mean to do that! Not to her, she hasn’t done anything. You…stupid! Stupid! Asshole! Why go and make her feel that way. She’s trying to help!”

Stopping at a red light I push my face against the steering wheel and try to breathe but fail even at that. Moans stops the coming of air, of reason and cries block the horns from the cars behind me.

“I’m sorry mom. I’m sorry Kate. I’m sorry Max.”

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

Bzzzt.

Bzzzt.

Bzzzt.

Who the fuck is that?

With my face still pressed against the wheel I forcefully rip my phone off my pants and answer the call.

“WHO THE FUCK IS THIS! AND WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!!”

I thought I could answer without crying and let rage fill me in but the act of trying only made the need to scream my heart out more.

“…”

They don’t say anything, whoever it was probably got weirded out by me. Well fuck it, I’ll just hang up and go…go and continue pissing at the world for its cruelty.

“Chloe, this is Ryan.”

“Ryan?”

My mind goes blank, all the strength and fury that I wanted to lash out at whoever was calling is gone and now a feeling of being trap and scare comes to me.

Why is he calling me? We-we already talked before, what is this about.

“Chloe I-”

His voice breaks but I hear something far away, a heavy breathing and heavy sounds coming off his side.

“Chloe I’m calling you because-I’m sorry I thought I could tell you but I can’t.”

His voice is so heavy, so full of emotion that I can hear the pain he’s going through. I’m sure he just pulled his phone away because I can hear someone sobbing from far, an echo of a broken man and his wails for his daughter.

It doesn’t stop, it’s faint but its there. The tension coming from him being sent through the call and filling the inside of the truck with his pain that has no consolation.

“Chloe this is Vanessa. We will be having Max’s-we will have the funeral tomorrow. I’ve already called Joyce, but I thought we should’ve let you know personally.”

I can’t breathe. My phone falls off my hand as I lose the strength in my hand, what’s in front of me loses focus and sound disappears from me, everything does. The cold from before is no longer there, the heat is gone as well and the pain that was proof of her isn’t swelling anymore.

“No. No…NO!”

This isn’t happening. It’s not!

“Max! Max!! Come here. NOW!! Stop playing this game and come back!.”

…

…

“COME BACK!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for reading this. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did writing it.
> 
> I finally got to work on this story again after some time and overall I can say that I'm happy with the end result, and just in case you've read the first chapter when it was just released, that too has been updated and modified to improve the flow of the story and certain scenes have been changed/bettered.
> 
> So this story, it's heavy. Max is dead, that's confirmed and it was Nathan who did it, he shot Max in the bathroom and somehow Chloe remembers it. This is an AU that I've been wanting to write for a while, to imagine what would happen if Max had died for Chloe, not going too much detail into the consequences to Nathan and/or Arcadia Bay but mostly to focus on Chloe and how she feels.
> 
> Like you can see this isn't a happy story and it probably won't end with Max coming back one way or another, this is not that but if you do decide to continue reading this then I assure you that the story will not end in a majorly depressing manner, but not too happy either. Just enough to feel good and somewhat happy for Chloe.
> 
> And again, thank you for reading this and until next time.  
> P.S.  
> You're awesome!


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